On Grocery Shopping

What an adventure!  At least the closest aspect of adventure than can venture into a student's daily routine!  Going grocery shopping with your family...  Now here's a story to tell!  Last night, I was trying to avoid doing as much work as possible when my mother stumbled into the back yard, where I was happily lounging while reading an assignment.  "I am going grocery shopping," she announced.  Naturally, since I generally detest my mother and avoid any such communication with her, I replied, "Good, get me what I wrote on my list." I must be fair in saying that since I was a little darling girl, I have not set foot in a supermarket with my mother by my side.  She loathes it as much as she loathes me, only because of the fact that I seem to grab and bring to the cart that which I find most appealing to my taste (generally, everything).  Since she started avoiding me, my mother has gone grocery shopping alone and completely ignored any list of any sort that I ever made.  "I can never find anything you write down!" she yammered.  "If you want something, come with me." 

I was flabbergast!  Did she truly say that?  Did she mean it?  Well, I did not even stop to think!  I got dressed and flew down the stairs and was in the car before she even knew it!  (With my list prepared, might I add.  Oh, and I was also very much prepared to add things to it, if I fancied.)  When we were both securely inside her Champagne Kia Sorento, my mother drove us first to Ponte Fresco, where we proceeded to stuff our faces with salads, and from there continued towards our favorite Guaynabo supermarket.  The way there was bumpy and dangerous, mostly because my mother does not acknowledge that she has no idea how to drive.  When she should be going at thirty-five miles an hour, the meter is marking sixty!  But when, on the freeway, she can go at sixty, she drives at her happy pace of twenty miles an hour.  Utterly exasperating!

However, we arrived about fifteen minutes from Garden Hills.  Of course, my mother believes her Kia Sorento to be a Lexus, so she double-parks in the farthest possible parking space available.  She does not mind if we get mugged or that my feet fall off of my legs from all the walking we do...as long as no one touches her precious Kia, everything will be alright!  So when we finished walking from the farthest parking space available, there being hundreds closer, we take an unused cart, and fling towards the entrance.  What cold!  The fruit section is absolutely devastating because it is always freezing!  And if you have my luck, you wear shorts when it is cold and long pants when it is devastatingly hot!  Oh the irony of my pants!

Funny thing about the fruit section...It always has the fruits that you do not want...ginger, in February...really?  Mushrooms...they aren't even fruits nor vegetables!  Why are they here?  Of course, being Puerto Rico, this supermarket never has blueberries, strawberries nor raspberries.  In fact, if you came precisely to pick up any berry at all, you will be severely disappointed.  Luckily for me, my favorite fruit is always stocked!  Washington Gala Apples are the highest and most amazing fruit there is!  And whilst I am striving to pick the most perfect grapes available, I notice...I am all alone!  My mother, being the exasperated person that she is, left me trotting alone in the fruit section and proceeded by herself to the meats!  Repulsive woman! 

I trail after her throughout the whole supermarket, aisle by aisle every time she leaves me alone to proceed to her own shopping.  Even when I was a kid, I had nightmares of being left alone in K-Mart because she got sick of waiting and suddenly left.  Luckily, this time I managed to find her every time she tried to leave.  However, the one spot where I am the one waiting while she scurries along is in the candle aisle.  My mother has an interesting obsession with glade scented candles.  Our pantry is stuffed to the rim with candles and smelling stuff!  I swear, when she's old and senile, I am going to pull an Agatha Christie scented salts  on her!  That way, humanity will be at peace once more...

Finally, we proceed towards the checkout.  Of course, only three checkout stations are available, one being the ten items or less which we could not possibly have passed, giving that my list alone had about    fifteen items...doubled.  So, we wait.  And wait.  My mother looks at me and I at her...we have nothing to say.  I comment on how many things we have, she states that it must be a two-hundred dollar grocery expenditure.  I laugh and she states that she will never go with me again to the supermarket.  My answer, "That's why I took two of everything!"

We check-out, ride our fifty-pound cart up towards the farthest parking, unload.  It was a good experience which I will never repeat, unfortunately.  My mother will surely kill me next time!  And I will surely cry in pain of her rejection. 

To my mother, I love you even if you suck. 

June 27th, 2010

My darling, 

I lay on my bed, hungry and exhausted.  And while the wind blows outside and my parents bicker inside, I can think only of you (and of how hungry I am--I eat plenty).  My dear, you are the thought that circles my mind always.  You are the rock on which I have chosen to stand.  I love you dearly and always will.

Yours always and forever,
Vivi

Thy Breath's Thief

My sweetest love, let me be thy breath’s thief

For this my sweet I must admit treason

Thy bark will sure take leave in my mad reef

Thy zeal will cease upon change of season

My mother’s air cast on my own will baffle

Wrinkles, distraught in the unloved visage

Perplexed mind, counts in time’s amorous battle

Subsides when clear is perished torn carnage

But thou say thy heart will always be pure

Regardless of alterations in fairness

Thou beliefs make thee an entrepreneur

In between us never an open crevasse

If these beliefs thou does simply defy

We shall never say our last goodbyes

Intimidating Thoughts

The reverie rose

And the sounds

Flooded

With silver

Bickering

And merry

Quacking

Changes

Eight times

The knavery

Of this

Intoxicating

Dream,

Unfulfilled

The turn

Of the

Flowing seas

Conveying

Heat and ice

Spices

The vice

Wicked dreams

Are wicked times

Under the Christmas Tree

*

Dear

Santa Clause,

I have been a very

Very good boy this year

What I want this Christmas is

World Peace, end to famine & hunger

My mommy told me to ask for prosperity

She is always saving money and she doesn’t give

It away like daddy does to strange men in the traffic

They will only use her money for bad but dad doesn’t know

As for me, Santa, can I have thecoolestthingintheworld?????????

An IPad

Pretty

Please?

Thankyou  
Santa Clause
                                Sincerely, 
                                Generation

                                 Z.                                                  

I Don't Shave My Legs in the Winter

The winter cold

Causes goose bumps

In my limbs

I bring the water

To a boil

Yet no difference

Ever made

Shaving

With goose bumps

Increases inflammation

Decreases beautification

And stings,

Stings like a thousand

Mosquito bites

No matter gel or soap,

Conditioner or moisturizer

The results are the same:

Red, flaky—not silky smooth

There is no logic to it

Sin to shave in winter

I become a natural savage!

Hairs,

Everywhere!

I have

Mane for legs

I never

Shave them

In the winter

Sisterly Affection

I was learning

To read

Back then

When a

Dispute

Fired

Among sisters,

Friends

I was little

But I tried to

Kill you

I squeezed

Waiting for

The air

To run out

Of you

You kicked

Screamed

And finally

Broke off

You poked

My eyes

And threatened

Parental supervision

“I will

Never again”

Spoke I

Never again

Did I

Ashamed

I tried to

Murder

I never

Spoke

Never

Confessed

Until today

A decade

And a few

Years later

I love

My sister

But

Sometimes

I just

Want

To

Kill her.